Inspired by the Astronomer CEO’s now-viral mistake
Divorce is rarely easy, and in the age of social media, one bad decision can turn a private matter into a viral nightmare. Just ask the CEO of Astronomer, whose highly public appearance with a new romantic partner at a Coldplay concert sparked widespread backlash and may have legal consequences as well.
This kind of misstep serves as a powerful reminder that how you conduct yourself during a divorce can impact not only your reputation, but your case and more importantly, your family.
When a divorce is filed in Colorado, an automatic injunction goes into effect immediately. This injunction prohibits both parties from making major financial changes or hiding assets and maintaining the status quo. But while the law is clear on financial conduct, it says little about behavior in the emotional or social realms.
Here are a few tips for what not to do during a divorce:
1. Don’t Parade a New Partner in Public
It might seem like common sense, but emotions and new relationships often cloud judgment. If you’ve moved on to a new significant other during the divorce process or before a divorce is filed, be extremely mindful of how and when you introduce them especially if it is done in public or online.
Why it matters:
- Public appearances can inflame already fragile emotions, making the divorce more contentious.
- The more emotionally charged the case becomes, the more expensive it becomes. Conflict will drive up attorney’s fees.
- Courts don’t take kindly to actions that appear inflammatory, especially if children are involved. Even if not technically illegal, they can reflect poorly on your judgment and maturity.
2. Stay Off Social Media
Social media is one of the fastest ways to derail your case. What might feel like a harmless post could be taken out of context and used against you in court. Everything can be used as evidence, even with strict privacy settings, screenshots can circulate. “I thought it was private” is not an excuse the court will accept.
Avoid:
- Posting photos or updates about a new partner.
- Venting about your spouse or the legal process.
- Sharing anything that could be interpreted as lavish or irresponsible spending.
Better idea: If you’re unsure whether to post something, don’t. When in doubt, go silent. Your future self (and your attorney) will thank you.
3. Don’t Involve the Children in Conflict
This should go without saying, but in high-stress moments, even the most well-intentioned parents can make harmful missteps. Children may already feel fear, sadness, or confusion about the family changing. Asking them to take sides, relay messages, or share adult details puts them under emotional pressure they’re not equipped to handle. Allow them to be children, not mediators.
Examples of what not to do:
- Telling your child that the divorce is the other parent’s fault.
- Using the children to deliver messages between spouses.
- Asking children to choose sides or express opinions about custody.
Why it’s critical:
- These actions can cause long-term emotional harm.
- Courts prioritize the best interests of the child, and behavior that undermines that can hurt your custody case.
- Judges may penalize a parent who is perceived to be manipulating or emotionally burdening the children.
4. Don’t Agree to a One-Sided Settlement Agreement
Whether you are the spouse who initiated the divorce or not, do not make or accept a one sided settlement agreement. Although you may be tempted to end the process quickly by signing the first agreement you are presented with, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to undo an agreement that was entered into voluntarily.
Avoid:
- Rushing the process.
- Thinking short term versus long term.
- Emotional pressure, always take time to review first.
Why it’s critical:
- It can lead to unfair financial outcomes.
- It can cause inequitable child custody arrangements.
- These actions can leave you with significantly less than you deserve.
5. Don’t Hide Things From Your Attorney
Your attorney can only work with the information you provide. If you fail to disclose everything regarding your case to your attorney regarding essential facts of your case, you’ll damage your credibility in court and it may result in harsher penalties from the judge. Be open and honest with your attorney, regardless of the issue.
Things to disclose to your attorney:
- Any interactions with law enforcement, no matter how small.
- All financial details, from both parties.
- All personal matters; past mistakes, misconduct, affairs, etc.
Why it’s critical:
- Being honest will result in the fastest and most beneficial outcome.
- It will avoid increased legal costs.
- The judge will give a fairer ruling.
Final Thoughts
These are just a few things to avoid as best practices in any divorce proceeding. Divorce is already one of the most emotionally challenging and life-altering experiences someone can go through. Emotions often run high, and it’s easy to act out of frustration, anger, or fear. However, decisions made in the heat of the moment can have lasting consequences on your financial stability, your family relationships, and even the outcome of your case.
The best way to minimize long term damage is to approach the process with as much calm, maturity, and discretion as possible. This means pausing before you react, carefully considering the impact of your words and actions, and reminding yourself that every choice you make can shape both the legal proceedings and the way your family moves forward after the divorce.
When in doubt, ask yourself three simple but powerful questions:
- Would I want a judge to see this?
- Would I want my children to remember this?
- Will I regret doing this in the future?
If the answer is “no,” then don’t do it. Protecting your integrity, your peace of mind, and your relationships, especially with your children, should take priority over any temporary urge to retaliate or vent. Divorce is not just about ending a marriage, it is also about laying the groundwork for the next chapter of your life. Choosing restraint, thoughtfulness, and dignity will serve you far better in the long run than any momentary reaction ever could.
Josh Rieck, Associate Attorney at Griffiths Law. Josh’s practice is focused exclusively on family law related matters, including divorce, allocation of parental rights, post-decree disputes, and child support.