General Suggestions

Your well-meaning friends and associates may offer you advice about your case. Frequently such advice is not accurate and you should proceed with caution in following it. The facts surrounding your marriage, divorce, children, and property are unique and your case differs from every other case.

Divorce proceedings are very emotional and parties sometimes seek revenge. Sometimes one parent will use the children or financial support in an attempt to punish the other parent. Prepare your children properly without poisoning their minds about your spouse. Obtain advice from a mental health professional if necessary. Attempt to cooperate with your spouse where the children are involved. Discuss support and property division with your spouse. Be fair.

Try your best to keep conflict away from the children. Children are harmed by being placed in the middle of a battle between their parents. You may be divorcing your spouse, but you will both always be parents to your children. They need both of you.

Counseling or coaching is a really good idea. Not only are counselors trained to give you good advice, but they don’t share what you’ve told them and when you’re done with counseling you won’t worry what they may say to your friends. Sometimes, there are many things that once they are over with, you will be most comfortable if they stay in your rear view mirror. This will sound implausible, but often you will forgive your “ex” decades before your friends and family members will. All of this can be a good incentive to work through the hardest parts of your divorce with a paid therapist who will not confuse your issues with their issues and who will not be around at future family events.

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Recommended Reading

Judge Roderic Duncan. A Judge’s Guide to Divorce: Uncommon Advice from the Bench. Nolo, 2007. Print.


Trafford, Abigail. Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life. Harper Perennial—A Division of HarperCollins Publishers, 1992. Print.


Wallerstein, Judith S. and Kelly, Joan B. Surviving the Breakup. Basic Books—A Subsidiary of Perseus Books, L.L.C., 1992. Print.